another experience in my pocket.

the turns, the transitions, the pitfalls.

never again will i give of myself so easily and so entirely.

words are mere words, even if sincere at one point, can come back to haunt you.

i was a fool, i thought i'd seen it all.

but never did i see this coming.

i was a fool, i let myself believe.

i let myself believe in the beauty of his soul.

his purity, morality and his strength in standing his ground.

surely, i thought, you're different from the others.

i ask myself: was it change, or did i believe a lie.

and i refuse the latter; i've seen him stripped down and vulnerable.

his hopes, his fears, his dreams, they tell me his heart is in the right place.

so i hold on to this hope, that the man i knew would eventually emerge from underneath all the muck and grime reality has buried him in.

this hope has kept me going, my fuel when i grow weary, my encouragement when i lose faith.

but this hope drives me crazy, knowing he loves the way he is now.

no intention to stand against the influences of this world, of peers, of reality.

then i am holding on to the ghost of him, the shadows of our past.

i know, i need to leave this place.

in great agony, i walk away from the dreams i had with him.

dreams of a beautiful family, of happiness, of growing old together.

never again will i let myself be swayed during the chase.

promises come from words, and are really, mere words.

i guard my heart fiercely.

believe, but never believe entirely.